my apologies

I am sorry it really does sound like I am depressed and probably I am.  But telling me I need help or I should be on medication is not positive for me.  I am figuring a lot out.  I am aloud to do that.  I am aloud to be me.  If you do not want to follow my blog that is fine.  This is for me.  This is my therapy.  So don't feel bad for me.  Think whatever you want to but I am writing my feelings.  I have to put things out there exactly as I feel in the moment in order to deal with the moment.  That is the type of person I am.  Hey if you want go ahead use my blog to complain also.  Comment tell me what you are feeling I wont judge.  That is what I think the problem is with many people is we feel we can not just express our feeling or we censor our thoughts.  If we are not happy we are not normal I am sorry if I sound so depressed.  I do have my down moments and I need to express them to get myself up. I hope any who read this understand that

Always Someone Better

Yeah Yeah Yeah, everyone tells me  I am a good mom I am a good wife.  Well I do not believe it.   There is no way  I am a good mom and even less chance I am a good wife.  If anyone wants to step into my place go ahead I will not stop you.  I will step aside.  My kids are wonderful and deserve someone who will raise them right in the way of the Lord with proper love and kindness.  They need someone who will discipline with a consistent way instead of someone so inconsistent.  I love my kids but it has been said that sometimes when you love something you need to know when it is best to step down and let them go. 

Then my poor husband he deserves to have someone who is healthy and strong.  Someone who is wiser and more mature.  He needs someone who can love him as much as he loves others.  He needs someone who will bring him up and build him to his potential not someone who will bring him down and just causes him to be angry all the time.

Not that I just want to be there for the good times but I am so tired of letting everyone down especially myself.  I disappoint myself the most and that is probably the problem I hide what I eat I do not face my problems but suppress them.  As much as I strive to be better and be stronger I keep finding myself her wondering why I can not seem to be better.  Why am I such a mess and constant failure.  Like I said you may think you are just depressed you are fine you kids can't have a better mom and your husband is lucky to have you. Well if I can not believe it than it mean nothing. Thanks for your confidence in me but I do not have it myself and I am tired of looking for it.