FAITH IN GOD PROGRAM EXPERT

So  I have been called to be a Faith in God Program Expert.  I am not sure all that that will entail but I am excited to have this chance to be a part of the program.  From what I was told my roll my be small.  I am to call and help remind the kids and parents that this is a program to be followed to help each child between the ages of 8-12 draw closer to their Heavenly Father and become stronger individuals in the church.  I have so many ideas and so many thoughts running through my head.  Maybe I am a little ambitious and might not even be a part of my calling but I will find out.  

I feel that this program is something I should try to do myself.  Even though I am much older than 12 years old and have already gone through and graduated the primary program many many years ago, if I can do what the children are expected to do today then I feel I can best help and understand what is needed to be done.  

I just pray and hope that I can do some good and help these young bright children of god become all that they are foreordained to become and also learn more about myself and strengthen my own testimony of Christ.

What will I miss?

Ok so I technically have 16 days left of being pregnant.  Now people are starting to ask me what I will miss most about being pregnant.  Hmm let me think...NOTHING.  I can tell you what I will not miss. I will not miss the constant trips to he bathroom.  I will not miss the heartburn. I will not miss not being able to sleep longer than 1 1/2- 2 hour long. I will not miss the sharp kicks to various parts of my body.  I will not miss that nothing I want to wear does not fit.  I will not miss being so hot and uncomfortable 24/7. I will not miss the backaches, headaches, sickness, strong smells, swelling, gas, and multiple trips to Dr. offices.

What i am looking forward to... having a new baby.  Seeing his face.  Feeling complete. Getting back to more normal sleep habits. Being able to play with my kids. Feeling accomplished and not just lazy.

I am not complaining I will go through this as long as I need to but if you ask me what I will miss honestly nothing.

Its Complicated

So it seems to me that whoever the punishing parent is the other one is usually sitting there thinking they are being to hard on the child.  I have had my fair turn at this and I know my husband has also.  There are times on both sides it has been said wow you are being so unfair to them.  I know parenting is hard.  It is hard when two people have come from different settings and they have different styles.  I do know when I am being to hard on my children but it seems like I can not stop in the moment.  I am not talking about spanking I try not to hit my child even in a quick slap on the hand.  Not the way I feel that things get accomplished.  I feel I try to set realistic goals but know there are times my goals for them are not at their level of understanding.
It might be that no one follows my blog or even cares what I think but writing helps me it is therapeutic.  Just like me taking a walk to clear my head. Others may think I am running away or that I am hiding from reality but the truth is I am trying my best to understand life and circumstances around me.  I am so far from perfect it is not funny.  I know I have my weaknesses.  I know I have my justifications.  But I am a good mom.  I am generally someone would consider a good person.  Yet I am left feeling helpless sometimes. Feeling trapped in my own mind unable to escape.  My actions and my habits are sometimes questioned not just by others but myself as well.
I wish I could remember my past and get through all the pain I have in it so I can heal.  So I can be happy. I need to just let go and do it.