We are suppose to live life where when others look at us they can see Christ through our eyes. Lately all I think people are seeing is through my eyes is Satan. My very own beloved can barely stand the sight of me, my kids want dad all the time hardly ever mom. Going to church is painful and I feel so inadiquite there. What have I done you may ask? What kind of live do you lead? I lead a fairly good life. I try my best I just have my moments I go to far and let things get the best of me.
We had a pretty good day on Monday. It was nice we got to go and visit my brother and his wife. We had a picnic and the kids played at the park. We did some driving around was having just a nice day. Well that all ended when I took offence to something my husband did something minor and from there all HELL broke loose.
I have thus been meet with 3 days of minimal talking and not one ounce of affection put my way. Richard told me that he thinks I will lash out at the kids and harm them. BAM cut to the core. He says he has no trust in me and does not know when he will ever forgive me for what happened on Monday.
This is where I then have to take things I have learned in therapy to deal with my depression that comes from all this perceived rejection. I have to look inward and change what I can. I can not change any ones perspective of who I am. All I can do is work on getting Christ to be seen more through my eyes and not Satan.
I am not looking for sympathy or even any comments from the small few who may read this blog. All I want is a place to express my feelings. Thanks.
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